Dear Danielle…I know that my husband needs to know that I respect and trust him in all areas. What are some practical ways that I can show him this?
Dr. Emerson Eggerlich wrote in his book Love and Respect, “Respect is the key to motivating a husband.” With a M.A. in communications, a Master’s of Divinity and a Ph.D. in child and family ecology, and the practical qualification of being a husband and father, Dr. Eggerlich has built an entire ministry on teaching this forgotten and misunderstood value of respect. He teaches that respect is the deepest need of a man (whereas love is for a woman) and that we as Godly wives are commanded to give unconditional respect (whereas husbands are commanded to give unconditional love) in Ephesians 5:33.
“Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
If you can educate yourself on the importance of respect to your man, and begin to show him that respect in practical ways, you will have a more loving, better serving and deeply satisfied husband by your side.
When I first heard Dr. Eggerlich’s teachings, I had to admit that I knew very little about what respect looked like for a man. How do I show Dave that I respect him? I knew how to show him love, but not necessarily how to show him respect. How do I do show respect in the moments that respect feels undeserved?
My biggest suggestion here is to verbalize it! When was the last time you told your husband you respect him? We likely tell our husband we love them every day, but don’t often use the word respect. Start using it. He needs to hear you respect him just as much as you need to hear that he loves you. Keep the $5 for a gushy love card from Hallmark and write your man a letter about how you respect him. It will be the one he never throws away!
Even more difficult is to show our man respect in the moments when it doesn’t feel deserved. Our culture is all about “earning” respect, but the command Paul gives us in Ephesians doesn’t say “wives respect your husbands when he earns it”, it just says we “must respect” them, all the time, unconditionally, when deserved and when not.
These moments when respect feels undeserved are likely when your husband is acting unloving. Your respect, particularly in these moments, will motivate his love.
This is a command from God, and as with all his commands, he doesn’t expect us to do it on our own, but instead equips us with His Spirit to work through us. Being respectful when you are feeling unloved is not easy, but within it lies the deepest rewards.
What are your questions regarding respect and how to show it to your husband? Share them with me! I’d love to dedicate a whole month to this topic in the future, plus I love to read your comments and questions!!
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