Christmas at Home

 

It happens to me every year.  About this time.   The bins of Christmas decor stacked in any available space.  The in-process crafts to “refresh” my Christmas decor covering the kitchen table… and the floor of my Mom Cave.  The growing to-do list and dwindling bank account to accommodate it.  The knot in my chest and throbbing in my temple…

Over my inadequacies.  My shortcomings as a wife, mother, teacher… even as a home decor blogger.

I’m not enough.

At the time I most want to be it all, have it all, do it all.

I’m not enough.

The Christmas cards I ordered weeks ago sit, unaddressed.  The refrigerator turns up empty… again??  I’m juggling funds between accounts to cover bills and unexpected expenses… again??

 

I’m not enough.

My preschool students try me, exasperate me.  And some of them lag behind where they should be by now.

 

I’m not enough.

I put on my armor of God each and every day.  I spend time with him and his Word every morning. His Word is even part of my curriculum at school and scattered around my chaotic home.   And yet, at some point in the day of holiday preparations and daily stresses of work and parenting, my shield and spear fall away.

Ten days ago, I sat in our preschool chapel service, one Little One tucked up under my arm against me… needing.  I closed my eyes, tapped out.  Mentally drained, physically fatigued, my emotions right up under the surface.  Listening to our music teacher leading the chapel service, the lesson, the story.  The story of his Coming.

She’s hard not to pay attention to… in the best, boisterous, God-loving way.  And she spoke straight to my heart.

For God so loved the world, He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

And I heard a little voice reciting that verse with her.  And the tears came.  And I squeezed that Little One.

It’s not a question of enough. 

God gave it all.  His only Son.

 

At the end of the day, our music teacher squeezed my hand.  “I saw your face transformed today,” she said.  “The Holy Spirit warmed your heart.”  He had.  Through her, I’d heard what I needed to hear.

When I got home that day, I looked at all the bins of Christmas decor, the half-finished crafts, the leftovers in the refrigerator, the stack of Christmas cards, and the to-do list.

I was more than enough.  I just needed to re-focus.  Refocus on His Coming.

My decorating ended that day.  Would my family care if every last Christmas decoration was displayed?  Would I?  I packed away the bins and the half-finished projects, and cleaned my kitchen.

And breathed.

It’s simpler this year.  My Christmas decor, that is.  Because I want the meaning of the season to stay front and center for me.  For mine.  I had to unclutter the home of many of the holiday trappings, so that my heart and spirit were open for His Coming.  The to-do list still looms, the cards are in progress, the gift-wrapping has begun.  But I look at my tree and the simple Christmas touches in each room of my home and I breathe in the spirit of the season.  And I wait.  For Him.

I want to remember why. 

Because God so loved the world.  He so loved me.

Have a blessed Christmas, my friends, and remember: you are loved.

 

Heidi Milton

Heidi Milton

Heidi Milton

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