When we first meet our special someone we are swept off our feet and transported to some fairy tale la-la land where birds sing and colors seem brighter; all of which have this seemingly magical ability to make us smile. We feel invincible. Untouchable. We are head over heels in love and nothing and no one can touch us. Accept for our special someone of course.
We fall in love.
We get engaged.
We are on cloud 9 as we plan the wedding paying close attention to every last detail as if it were a direct reflection of the love we have for our betrothed. (I’ve always wanted to say that – betrothed.)
The wedding day arrives and we float down the aisle toward our guy. We gently pat away the tears streaming down our airbrushed face as we stare longingly into his eyes. The minister speaks and we hardly hear him because we are so captivated by the unspoken love song resounding from the gaze of our husband-to-be.
Finally we share a long, passionate kiss solidifying the new union we have just sealed in front of our family and friends. Every one cheers as we run, and in my case gallop, down the aisle and on to the next phase in the day’s celebration.
It’s all so surreal and literally like pages from a story book. We are swept up in a whirlwind of love. The love we dreamed of our entire life. The love we waited so long to find. We are caught up in blissful unawareness to the realities of the world raging all around us.
Eventually, though, the spotlight begins to shift from the high of the engagement period, the euphoria of the wedding day and it even begins to shift from the intimacy you came to know and love in the beginning as it adjusts its unrelenting glare on the pressures of life.
And then what?
The spotlight of life begins swirling all around us never to really focus on any one facet at a time. It settles just long enough to shed light on an issue or flaw and create a disruption in the relationship. With the spotlight spinning all around we end up engulfed into a whole new whirlwind consisting of life’s stresses which, ironically, are as equally powerful as the initial whirlwind of love and intimacy we once experienced.
So what do we do?
Well… we identify the crisis and we take control… with God’s help!
We grab hold of that silly ever shifting spot light and we gleam it down on the area(s) in our our marriage that need some attention; some TLC. And here’s the kicker… we take control just long enough to put a stop to the chaos and we then lift our hands in total surrender to God asking Him to take over and shine HIS light on our lives as husband and wife.
My husband and I have been married for more than ten years. We’ve experienced first-hand how the pressures of life take over after the honeymoon ends.
The key for us has always been communication. Remembering, it’s not right or wrong if it’s how you feel. What one person perceives becomes their reality. If I perceive something my husband said to me was a dig or an insult, than it was. Not that he meant it to be, but to me it was just as real as if it was what he set out to achieve. So I communicate this to him… and because we are both in agreement with this philosophy he, instead of making excuses or telling me I’m crazy for thinking he was insulting me, simply says, “You know… I did not intend for that comment to hurt you and I’m very sorry that it did.”
Now we are both off of the defense and can begin to communicate to each other clearly.
It of course takes time and effort to get there! We have spent the better part of our marriage working on our communication with one another. Keyword being “work” – marriage takes work. Intimacy takes work. But when we allow God to flood our hearts with love, His love, we can begin to see the work as less of a painstaking effort and more of a labor of love.
Intimacy; while effortless in the beginning when the spotlight is all about intimacy, takes work to maintain throughout the long haul of marriage. You must remember that through all the ups and downs of marriage, through every fight and every tear, God is building a strong and sturdy foundation for you to sustain your intimacy on. It’s through God’s love that the spotlight of intimacy, real intimacy, can truly shine.
… since God so loved us we also ought to love one another. 1 John 4:11
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