With the upcoming birth of our first child, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about how the baby will affect my marriage. This line of thinking got me wondering, what are some ways that we can branch out of our comfort zones and bless our spouses today? I came up with these three ideas.
1. Show your spouse a good time in bed tonight – be creative and show intentionality! If you need encouragement and/or ideas for making sex a regular part of your marriage, I highly recommend Danielle’s blog posts about the 72 hour club – a fun club to join in which you try to be intimate with your spouse at least once per 72 hours. We are inundated with non-biblical views of sex all day long, so why not do some thinking and focusing on biblical sex in your marriage? A blog I recommend is MonogaBliss, which focuses on enjoying a fulfilled marital sex life through Christ while submitting all sexual desires to God’s Word and authority. I also recommend the classic Christian work A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy and the newer book Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage.
2. Find out your spouse’s main love language and show one intentional act of kindness based on that love language. A while back, Gary Chapman wrote a book about love languages (you can download free love language study guides here). His premise is that people like to receive and show love in five main ways – physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and quality time. We don’t always like to receive the same gifts that we give naturally. My husband shows loves by doing acts of service and he likes receiving acts of service. I like to show love by giving gifts and quality time. You can see the conflict here. I don’t want anyone bothering me when I’m sick. Nate likes to be *what I used to call* babied but what I now call being taken care of. So for me, this challenge would mean doing an act of service for Nate that would really bless him like cleaning out his car or making him his favorite dessert.
3. Have a conversation with your spouse and actively listen to what he is saying. I’ve caught myself slacking on the active listening part since I started my business. The million things running through my mind often keep popping up when I talk to my husband. This is exacerbated by the fact that my husband is super nerdy and likes to talk about really complicated computery and numbery things. But you know what? He is very introverted and I’ve come to realize by God’s grace that it’s like a jewel when he opens up about things he cares about and I want to share in that. Even if I’m clueless, I try to find one thing I can relate to or understand and offer my perspective. Are there questions you could ask your spouse about his interest that would show that you are sincerely interested? Is there a way you can make a sincere and in-depth conversation easier like turning off the television, eating at the table (we’re bad at this), or even getting a babysitter and having a date in a place that is conducive to a great conversation?
Those are just a few things that came to mind today. I pray that you will continue to be sanctified through the process of marriage in your Christian walk this week!
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