While it’s true that most ladies want to feel special and loved, most men have an innate need to feel like he’s number one. Of course, for us Christ-followers, we know that Jesus is to be number One in our lives. However, there are ways we can make our husband feel like the most important person on earth.
I have been guilty of giving my husband the “leftovers.” Whatever energy that hadn’t been drained out in a day from all other things, like work, parenting, ministry, volunteering, kids activities, blogging, writing, and even my “to-do” lists swirling around to manage the household. It all takes energy that gets sucked away while he’s at work. Whatever is left when he comes home is what he’s left with. Sometimes it isn’t much!
Those energy draining things are not bad…they’re all very good things. Almost all of them are also necessary. We can’t sit in a bubble and do nothing but think up creative ways to admire, accept, appreciate and make our husbands feel like #1. So let’s discuss ways this could look in real life.
Helen Andelin writes in her book, “Fascinating Womanhood,” that men can develop bitter resentment toward his wife and even his children if he is continually placed in an inferior position. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s just a means to an end. He doesn’t want his wife to neglect her responsibilities, but, “he doesn’t want to be regarded as a convenience, a paycheck, an escort, a social asset, a ticket to security, or even just a sex partner.”
Here are some ways we can make our husbands feel respected and like they’re #1:
- Include him in bigger decisions, letting him have a chance to discuss, approve, help with, or perhaps even have the final say.
- Find a recreational outlet together where you take the time to spend with him.
- He may help with household chores or with the kids. This can be two-fold: it will save some of your energy so you can direct it toward him, and makes him feel involved and significant in your life.
- Try hard to be free of most distractions whenever you are with him. (More on this later.)
- Make sure you aren’t over-scheduled with commitments when he’s not at work or otherwise busy. Make yourself available to spend that time with him.
- If you are interested in adding something to your life, give him the respect of running it past him before you dive in.
- Regularly go out on dates.
- Do things that say you’ve been thinking of him throughout the day, like send him a text or email, make his favorite dinner or have his favorite snack on hand.
- Take care of things he asks you to do. Some things he knows are my strengths or that I have more time to take care of, so he will ask me to do it. If I don’t, he feels unimportant.
My husband is very good at communicating with me when he has unmet needs. One our our biggest areas of contention is me being free from distractions when I am with him. Let me explain.
I stay home with the kids. On a routine night, after the kids are in bed, he sees as our time. Since I am home all day, understandably, he feels like I should have had time to cook/bake, clean, blog, send emails, or even read. So when he’s home, he thinks he should have me all to himself. But most days I feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. Sometimes some of those tasks are relegated to the evening.
He is okay with me unwinding a bit after putting the kids to bed. But if I spend too much time with distractions, he gets irritated. It is a struggle for me to put that stuff away and just BE with him. No distractions.
For my husband, that’s a huge way for me to say that he’s my priority. That he’s more important…our relationship is more important. I’ve learned that my “to-do” list can wait to the next day, when he’s working.
Helen Andelin writes that women tend to put these things in front of their husbands:
* Money & Success
* Careers, Talents & Activities
* (And for us modern ladies, I’d add social media and blogging…connecting with others on a computer. This wasn’t an issue in the 60’s when the book was written!)
Let your husband know, both verbally and through your actions that he is your Superman. Your relationship might depend on it.
© 2014, Kristen Hamilton. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.