For those of you who do not know me, I’m Kimberly. I’m a fiesty, sports fan, warrior of the kitchen, spontaneous, love to laugh, and waste time wandering country roads with no destination type of woman. I live in Kentucky just south of the lovely city known as Cincinnati. I spend my August-May valiantly educating some crazy 7th graders and my summers are spent working for the Cincinnati Reds.
I typically write on the Healthy Living aspect of this site (which I LOVE doing) but there has been a tug on my heart for some time. A tug that beckons to be shared.
You see I’m single.
Yes……single. People react to single people in many different ways. This isn’t a post about woe is me single hood, where for art thou Prince Charming (preferably you wear plaid, can grow an impeccable beard, and are willing sample anything that may be created in my kitchen of wonder ;))
Back to the point of this post….when to comes to communication this is what we desire. I say we because I’m going out on a limb and thinking guys could relate to some of these points as well.
1. Love us where we are at, not where Christian society thinks we should be.
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be living the “Christian American Dream” right along with the majority of my friends. But for some reason, God is withholding that. Perhaps for the moment, or perhaps for my entire life…I honestly have no idea. That is up for God to decide.
So please stop making us feel as though there may be something wrong with where our lives are going. If I have just graduated college, love me into my new career path. Ask questions about where we see ourselves in retrospect to our job, service in the church and the community we live in. Ask about us. Stop poking into the realms of love. Trust us, when “someone” does come up worth talking about we will bring it up. Just give us time.
2. Stop it with the set up and dating advice.
I have the PERFECT man for you. Yep, I have heard that about umptenth bazillion times. Mostly, we have one thing in common. Jesus. Well that’s a given. Yes, I want my future spouse to love the Lord so much with his heart that his love for me comes second. But give a girl a bone. If all we have is Jesus, as much as a miracle worker He is, sometimes a relationship needs more than just a mutual faith alignment.
Also, stop pushing the online dating realm. Be patient not pushy. If we want to give it a chance, we most likely will.
Another point, the whole you’re too picky. When I was 21 I kept on hearing words of encouragement not to settle and pray with the steadfast hope that all my desires in a man will be granted. At 27, I get more of stuff along the lines of “Well, maybe you should sacrifice that, or he’s not that bad, you can live with that trait.” Why should anyone settle? Personally, I would much rather be single, than with someone just to fulfill a Christian worldly expectation.
3. Be cautious in your words. We will strive to do the same.
Words can be sources of encouragement or the opposite without ever intending to do so. You say something thinking it comes out as a source of encouragement, a glimmer of hope, perhaps God speaking through you to shed light to a friend. But I ask you to pause and think about it before you speak.
“You’re such a great catch, why have you not found someone yet?”
Thanks. I know deep down you mean this as a sincere compliment to my utter awesomeness, but beneath the smile and thank you and once I get alone, the tears may start to fall. Questions plaque my heart and Satan creeps in.
Hmm..why haven’t I found him yet? Something must be wrong with me? Am I not Christian womanly enough? Is it my physical appearance? Am I too unapproachable?
The comparison game starts turning. It wasn’t meant to start but it had. If I’m such a great catch why am I alone?
“Completely love the Lord and THEN He will bring you the man you’ve prayed for”
First off, this to me says you had the most impeccable relationship with the Lord just prior to meeting your husband. This statement leaves us stepping back and questioning our faith. Maybe my prayers aren’t good enough? Am I Godly enough to be loved by a fellow Christian? Does God even hear me…hello….I mean holla???
I guarantee single people say stuff to married people that would fall under the same realm. Once again, I guarantee it.
We are all sinners. We all fall short of His glory. We all need Jesus. We all yearn for acceptance for who we are in the moment, not for who we think we should be.
Jesus never promised marriage…Paul just suggested it’s a wise idea if you um…burn with passion for it.
The point is whenever you interact with single people or married people, don’t let the state of their relationship status be the key indicator of who they are as a person and more importantly as a Christ follower.
Our single status is not a reflection of a lack of faith, or a lack of favorability and it is definitely not an indicator of how much God can use us. Ask how we want to be involved in your life, the church, and the community. We will give you all of our hearts and love you and your lives.
Just love us, we are all in this world to serve and love Jesus with our whole selves.
© 2013 – 2014, Kimberly Bell. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.