Dear Danielle…Since having kids, I am not sure how to be a wife while being a mom. How do I show my husband that he is important to me and avoid making the kids the center of my universe?
I’ve invited a guest blogger to answer this question today! Please welcome Elaine W. Miller to FancyLittleThings!
Good question! I can relate. After five years of marriage and two doctors telling me I would never have children, I gave birth to my first child. She became the center of my universe and my dear husband was somewhere in space orbiting around us. Trying to mother and to wife seemed impossible. I just could not do it all. I write about it in my books, Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms and Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives:
“My arms ache from holding too much of my child and not enough of my husband…. My heart is tearing in two trying to balance my life—half mother and half wife…. I determine it is impossible to satisfy the needs of both an infant in need of feeding and a husband in need of loving.
I’ll mother instead of wife….After all, my husband won’t starve, and his personality has already been determined by his mother’s love. My child’s temperament, however, depends on me, and the baby can’t walk to the fridge and fix her own bologna sandwich. I rationalize I am doing a pretty good job because I haven’t even put my own needs into this equation. When was the last time I did something just for me? I am quite the martyr. I am doing my best. But, am I doing God’s best?
Sweetly, my husband comes to me. ‘We need to talk,’ he says. I realize he is not being selfish; he is being sensible when he pleads for some attention. He speaks of the love we both have for our child and the reality that a baby takes time and patience and is an adjustment to a marriage. ‘But what good will it do our baby, if we end up divorced?’ he asks. Shocked to hear the word divorced from his lips, I realize it is spoken with love and concern for us as a couple. He is right.
The best thing we can do for our child is work at and preserve our marriage. My daughter will watch me and learn how to be a wife. I must respect my husband and make our relationship a priority. Nurturing a good marriage goes a long way toward nurturing a child. That is God’s best.” ~ from Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Moms.
The mom who asks, “How do I show my husband that he is important to me and avoid making the kids become the center of my universe…” has half the battle won. She realizes that her husband is to take priority over her children.
Still, children take care and time and cannot be put back in the toy box until another day. They have needs—not just wants.
So, how do you balance your time and make your husband a priority?
Both parents need to exercise patience realizing this is a busy season in your life.
At the same time, there are things you can do to show your husband he is important to you.
- Walk in his shoes. He may be feeling left out. You carried the baby in your womb, you delivered the little one, and for some, your breasts are feeding the baby. Some men feel jealous of the attention you are giving your baby. Your husband needs assurance that he’s still “The Man!”
- Date him. Don’t fear leaving your children with a baby sitter. Nurture your marriage through a regular date night with your husband. Danielle addressed this is last week’s post and provided some creative and inexpensive date options which you can check out here.
- Kiss him. Really KISS him. Pack some passion behind that pucker! Show your children how much you love their daddy by greeting him regularly and as a surprise with a kiss.
- Make your bedroom a love sanctuary. 1 Corinthians 7:3 says “Husbands and wives should satisfy each other’s sexual needs.” I don’t read, “unless there are children in the house” in that scripture. I know moms are tired. I also know a husband can feel like someone stole his wife when the baby is born. FancyLittleThings has a “Hot & Spicy” theme for July and Danielle will be addressing the topic of sex in marriage and how important it is to meet this need for your man, and how to get yourself prepared to please.
- Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, sleep when you can, and exercise. I know that seems impossible, but you’ll benefit (and so will your marriage) if you care for yourself.
- Read a book on marriage. My books were written for drained moms and drained wives to be read in five-minute snippets. I know they have helped marriages get back on track. To learn more, please see my website at www.SplashesofSerenity.com or contact me at SplashesofSerenity@yahoo.com or on my blog, www.ElaineWMiller.blogspot.com. I’d love hearing from you.
- Pray. Ask God to help you prioritize and be the wife and mother He created you to be.
As moms we want to give our best to our children. It begins by giving our best to our husbands. Nurturing your marriage really does go a long way toward nurturing your child.
I’d love to hear other suggestions. How do you let your husband know he is important?
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