Dear Danielle…Really how important is sex to my husband? What should I do if it isn’t as important to me?
The short answer: Very… and if it is important to your husband then that should make it important to you too.
- Seek to understand your husband’s need for sex. A man’s need for sex is very much a part of how he’s created to be. God put within him the chemical makeup that makes sex more of a need for him than for his wife, but this was all part of God’s unique and perfect design. “God thinks it’s important that your husband be chemically drawn to you and motivated to get physically close to you on a regular and consistent basis”, notes Dr. Kevin Leman in his book Sheet Music.
- Respect his need for sex. There is an attitude out there amongst many women that men “just think through their fly” and they are sex addicts just by having a healthy desire for their wives. “A woman who minimizes a man when she say’s that all that he cares about is sex; she reveals her ignorance of the complexity of a man’s soul and the interconnectedness of his spirituality and physical being. What she doesn’t realize is that sex represents many different things to a man. A number of them are emotional and spiritual, having nothing to do with the physical.” (Dr. Kevin Leman, Sheet Music)
- Cultivate a greater interest in sex for yourself. What are the barriers that keep you from enjoying and desiring sex? Is it exhaustion? If so, come back for next week’s post on what to do when you are “Too Pooped to Whoop” (and yes, I stole that line from Dr. Kevin Leman). Is it that you don’t find sex to be fulfilling and don’t know how to address this with your husband? Or maybe quite frankly, he is a big baffoon in this area and doesn’t have the same understanding and respect for your needs that I encourage you to have for his. My suggestion is to buy the book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman and read it together, just as Aimee & Craig did (click to read their review!)
- Realize the benefits of a sexually fulfilled husband. Want that amazing husband who doesn’t think twice about unloading the dishwasher or straightening up the livingroom from time to time? Or how about the man who sees himself as your own personal superhero (and feels like one!), ready to leap tall buildings and take a bullet for you? This is not to say you should start to think of sex as a “you do this for me and I’ll do that for you” type of thing. There is nothing more beautiful in marriage than when a husband and wife are both in sync to each others needs and have a genuine desire to see the other’s needs met before their own.
Here is a thought-provoking question that Dr. Kevin Leman presents in Sheet Music…
If God were to measure your kindness and generosity solely on how well you treat your husband in this area, what do you think he would say?
I needed some transformation in my thinking towards the importance of sex in our marriage and it came to me through Dr. Kevin Leman’s book. As my husband and I have healed from our pasts and the wounds inflicted within the early years of our marriage, we have begun to experience the fullness and closeness that a spicy and sexually fulfilling love life can provide.
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
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