Want to fight less and communicate more?
Want to feel connected and understood?
Want to spark the “you before me” attitude of love?
Want to feel like you have a teammate working alongside you in life?
Want to feel desirable, energized, full of life?
The answer just might lie in 3 simple letters. S-E-X.
(With your spouse, because that is the only place it is really meant to be or where these benefits will manifest in the long-term. If you don’t agree, check out our Faith Statement and you’ll understand where we come from ’round here.)
Sex is not the prize at the finish line for achieving these qualities in your relationship.
It is the shotgun at the starting line.
The problem is, we sometimes want these benefits in our relationship BEFORE we’ll engage in sexual intimacy with our spouse. We want to wait until that cosmic moment where all the stars of the marriage universe align perfectly. We are perfectly communicating. Feeling connected. Well rested. At our target weight. Freshly showered. Kids sleeping. Bank account balanced. Kitchen sink empty.
Or we want the benefits in spite of a healthy sex life, because we are just too {tired/busy/disinterested/wounded/distant/unattractive/other excuses} to make the sexual part of our marriage a priority.
And if we could just get it all together, THEN we’d engage in a passionate, thriving and purposeful sex life with our spouse.
I’m here to tell you. That race will never start. That goal will never be reached. That prize will never come.
Until you decide to pull the trigger and get things started.
Hey, I know life can get you into some less-than-ideal patterns for the love life you really want. My current pattern involves the insanely chaotic routine of feeding, bathing and bedding down 4 young boys and landing in bed with my back to my husband as I feed baby boy #5 only to be awaken 1/2 hour later to my husband snoring. I carry baby boy #5 off to his crib knowing that he’ll be waking me up again in a few hours. While I might like to boast that I head back to bed ready to seduce awake my handsome beau, instead I slip between the sheets as silently as possible to capture every bit of sleep baby boy #5 is going to give me that night.
Just as runners need a loud blast from a shotgun to jolt them from that starting line, your relationship might need a jump to get things on a new track. Mine sure does!
So, here are some tips for triggering a SHOTGUN START to the sex life of your marriage….
GET AWAY! – Last week, my husband and I went on our annual anniversary trip. Even though it takes momentous efforts to plan childcare, use vacation time, save funds, these two nights away are a must for hitting reset on our marriage. Our general tips for making it happen, (1) enlist family whose willing to invest in your marriage to watch you kids, (2) go mid-week or off-season to keep things affordable, (3) find adventures within a 3-4 hour drive from your home (be a tourist in your own state!), (4) it only takes clean accommodations, a small village of shops & restaurants and 48-hours of unstructured time to set the stage for romance.
GET OUT! – Okay, how many times do you need to hear this tip before you listen? Date night. Do it. Often. Regularly. And break the “Outback Steakhouse – Lowes – Target” routine. (Or is that just us?)
GET OVER! – Drop the excuses. Every crease, roll, stretch mark and curve is a part of you. You are beautiful, and I bet if I asked your spouse they’d agree. You’ll never be rested enough, and sex might just lead to the most relaxed and blissful sleep you’ve had in ages! And if you’re waiting to feel connected, try this divinely unique relational glue. It is husband tested and God approved!
GET GOING! – The best way to get things started is to start things! Once your feet have left the starting block and you’re rounding the track with the finish line in sight, you’ll be glad you decided to join the race…
…and may just find all the prizes you’ve been waiting for in your marriage on the other side!
© 2013 – 2023, Danielle Peters. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.