If you’ve been going along with The 72 Hour Club commitment (Don’t know what that is? Start here!) and you’re seeing the benefits of regular sexual intimacy in your marriage, you may wonder, “What do I do when I can’t do ‘it’?” I’ve gotten this question from quite a few readers and decided to share the advice I’ve offered with all of you.
Let’s face it. No matter how intentional, how committed, how much we enjoy and appreciate an active sex life with our husbands, there are periods of life (yes, pun is intended) when we might not want or be able to have sex with our husbands. One reader asked as she was nearing the end of a pregnancy and things were getting increasingly uncomfortable. Another was in a situation where her husband’s issues with back problems was putting a damper on their sex life.
Whatever the situation, here is my advice to the wife who is navigating a season where sex is not an option…
- Talk about it! Have an honest conversation with your husband about your sex life! I am amazed how many couples don’t take this critical first step. Let him know that hitting the “pause” button on your sex life is not being taken lightly and affirm to him how important he is to you. Express appreciation for his understanding with you during this season. Give him a chance to share how he is feeling on his end.
- Do what works for now. New positions? New pace? There are lots of ways to connect sexually with your spouse. Remember, there are three other bases before you get to home base. Make some new rules to the game and you can still hit a home run while lingering on third base. 🙂
- Take a break. If nothing is working, decide together to take a break. “Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time…” (1 Corinthians 7:5). By making in mutual, no one is depriving another.
- Build intimacy outside the bedroom. If you do need to take a break from sexual intimacy, make efforts to build intimacy elsewhere. Perhaps it is more quality time together. Maybe it is leaving love notes to each other that are flirtatious and affirming in your love for one another and say how much you look forward to getting back together again.
- Be careful of his ego. If you do need to reject his advances because you know you aren’t feeling up to it, do so with the utmost care. It has been eye-opening to me to understand just how sensitive our men are in this area and how much a small rejection from us sexually can affect their feelings of self-worth, respect and love in ALL areas of their lives. Say no and why, but affirm to him how much you wish you could.
Remember most of all, this is only for a season, and your dedication to building and maintaining intimacy in your relationship will pay off if you just work through it as a couple.
© 2013 – 2019, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.
