“Here is why people might find your 72 Hour Club appalling….”, said my college best friend as we walked through the IKEA parking lot after an epic shopping experience during my recent visit to San Diego.
(Don’t know what the 72 Hour Club is? Start here.)
She began listing some reasons before she took a breath and I had a chance to shoot back, “I don’t think most people find it appalling. In fact, I don’t think you understand the concept at all.”
We have always thought different on so many things for our entire friendship, and loved each other right through it. Different views on faith, marriage, family, education, uhm, pretty much the world. I am the white, middle class, married with five kids, homeschooling, Christian, New York friend. She is the African American, rising from poverty, public school teacher, unmarried, might never marry, San Diego one.
But, we both like shopping clearance racks, eating enormous plates of barbecue, and napping so that makes us lifelong friends.
Our conversation prompted me to want to clear up some misconceptions about what the 72 Hour Club is, and what it is not.
Misconception #1: That every married women, in every type of marriage, should be giving out sex to her husband at least every three days.
Do I think the wife with a past of sexual abuse or attack should disregard all the complexities to her finding a healthy sex life and just put out? No. Do I think a marriage that is filled with abusive talk or behavior can be turned around by just having regular sex? No.
The truth here is the 72 Hour Club isn’t meant for everyone. There is a very specific audience with whom I believe this challenge is beneficial. I picture my audience to be women very similar to me, or to my Mom friends who I see on playdates and at MOPS meetings.
Want to know if you are part of the intended audience? If you answer yes to most of these, then you are:
- Are you married? This is not for unmarried couples. God’s blessings for sexual intimacy will not flow into a sinful relationship.
- Do you believe in Jesus? That He came to show us the ultimate example of sacrificial love and intends for us to strive towards that type of love in our marriages?
- Is your spouse a good-willed person? This is not about enabling, excusing or rewarding evil-willed, abusive spouses.
- Do you have, or are you working towards, a healthy view of sex? If you are still struggling through past sexual abuse or sin, then this might not be the right time.
- Do you find that your major sexual obstacles with your spouse is exhaustion, busyness or lack of interest?
This questions would outline who it is I am trying to encourage with the 72 Hour Club and who has the potential to see their marriage transformed by this commitment.
Misconception #2: Giving sex to our husbands every three days will demotivate them to meet our needs.
Our human nature wants to look out for ourselves first. That is why the 72 Hour Club is really for those who believe the fundamental teachings of the Bible which speak of selfless love and looking out for the interest of others above our own. Marriage truly is the relationship God created to work this out in our hearts. I think a major indicator of how good of a spouse you are can be measured by how selfless you are becoming.
Plus, what I have found, through my own experience and the testimonies of many others, is that this works in the exact opposite way. In fact, when our husbands are feeling satisfied in their need for sexual intimacy with us, they will feel more bonded to us and more likely to want to meet our needs.
77% of 150 Christian men polled agreed with this statement: “If my wife was an interested & motivated sex partner, it would give me a greater sense of well-being and satisfaction in life.”
I don’t know about you, but having a man who is feeling good about himself and about life…..they tend to make very good, loving, considerate husbands.
Misconception #3: Anyone who is not having sex with their spouse every 72 hours is a bad spouse or in a bad marriage.
The 72 Hour Club is not really a club. You are not accepted or denied admission. We don’t have some sort of exclusive list of members. This is not a “I’m in – You’re out” thing.
It is a commitment. It is a challenge. It is meant to inspire, encourage and uplift us all to pay more attention to our spouses, to our marriages, and to our sex lives.
But, we are all different. We have different rhythms, different relationships. We travel in and out of different seasons in life.
Am I always 100% perfect on my 72 Hour Club commitment? No.
Do I guilt or shame or pout when it has been more than 72 hours? No.
And neither should you.
Instead I think, “Gosh, life is a bit crazy this week. I feel distant from my husband. We need to slow down/make some time for each other/get to bed earlier. I need to make myself available to him and soon.”
This isn’t about being a good or bad spouse. This is about wanting to work to find God’s best in our marriages, and I believe that a regular, healthy sex life is part of that equation.
What other misconceptions or questions do you have about the 72 Hour Club? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
© 2015 – 2020, Aimee. All rights reserved. Love it? Please share, pin, tweet or email but do not use my work without permission.